If you have been hurt in a local church, then come and join a new church. We have people in our congregation that have suffered spiritual abuse but are doing just fine. Firstly, what is spiritual abuse, lets break it down.
Spiritual abuse is something that can take place within the confines of a cult or even inside a Christian church. It is when leaders like to maintain control of people through coercion. It is when leaders use Gods word in ways it was never intended, to control individuals to ensure their obedience, or to ensure they stay loyal and never raise an eyebrow.
Spiritual abuse is the manipulation of Gods word. This is not His will for your life in promoting spiritual growth.
When could spiritual abuse be taking place
If you want to do your best for the Lord, then that is a good thing. If you have fruit in your walk with the Lord that is a good thing.
One tactic of a spiritually abusive leader is this. Are they constantly telling you that it is for the Lord’s glory, and they tell you repeatedly. This could warrant spiritual abuse. We already know it is all for the Lord’s glory, only God is good, and if people are telling you constantly you are steeling the Lord’s glory this could be a sign of spiritual abuse. This scenario could playout over years.
Here are a couple of points to consider if you think you could be being spiritually abused:
- What de-nomination are they?
- What is the leader’s salary?
- What scriptures do they keep throwing at you?
- Do they try and change your appearance?
- Do they appear to be favouring the same people around them?
- What is the value of the organisation that runs the church?
- What company does a leader keep?
Each point explained
We have told you to consider the denomination because certain denominations can be riddled with scandal. Whether that be financial abuses, shenanigans in the background and the list could go on. If you are part of a church that has things like this going on, then they could well be a spiritually abusive church.
We tell you to consider the leaders salary because a leader could be financially motivated. They want to keep flock members in their place because they want to protect their own interests. In one church, five leaders alone, wages have totalled over £100,000. Leaders can become corrupted by money, and this can lead to things like spiritual abuse, they like their luxury lifestyle.
What leaders will say is this, they are living in the blessing of God. They are part of the bless me club. All the while around them, marriages are breaking down, people’s relationship with God are breaking down and other devastating situations that occur because the leaders are spiritually abusing the flock. Leaders neglect their true responsibility in guarding the flock.
Next tactic spiritually abusive leaders could use against you is this. What scriptures are leaders throwing at you? Here is one scripture you could hear time and again.
Matthew 7:21-23
I Never Knew You
21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!”
If there is fruit in your life, you are working hard, and trying your best, but a leader will constantly let you know about the scripture above which is Matthew 7 v 21-23. This could be a sign that you are being spiritually abused. It acts as a discouragement to keep you in your place, to knock your self-esteem in God. The leader wants to protect their own interest or even possibly promote someone they favour, but we all know favouritism is forbidden.
Next up, we have said consider if a leader is trying to change your appearance. It is cool to be a Christian these days, or at least that’s how churches like to perceive themselves through their fashion sense. But if a leader is trying to force you into changing your appearance or commenting on the way you look, then again this is a sign of abuse, and you need to consider these things in your assessment of the situation.
We are almost there, we have stated, you should consider if a leader is favouring people around them. As we know in the letter from James and Gods word, favouritism is forbidden. Here is that scripture.
James 2
Favouritism Forbidden
2 My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favouritism. 2 Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. 3 If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” 4 have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?
If people are being elevated and you are constantly being put down even though there is fruit in your life, then you could be being spiritually abused.
Last but one, we have told you to check the value of the organisation running the church where spiritual abuse could be present. It is easy to find out information like this, all you have to do is go to the charity commission and look up that organisation’s accounts. If that organisation accounts total an income of over £50 million, then sadly spiritual abuse could be present in a Christian organisation of this size, as the church is treated like a business and not a spiritual house based on Gods word.
Finally, our last point. We got there. Has the leader been keeping company with people who are rather shady. Perhaps connected with very un-ethical behaviour, perhaps even illegal. Well, if that is the case then you could have leaders who are vulnerable to falling into the realm of spiritual abuse.
What to do next after your assessment?
Don’t lose heart if any of these signs are present in your life, and you have now decided you have been spiritually abused. Where do you go from here? ALWAYS TURN TO JESUS. Always remember that scripture in the Bible is there to help us. In Philippians it says pray about everything. Here is that scripture.
Philippians 4:6-7 New Living Translation (NLT)
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
Go to the Lord in prayer and tell Him about everything that is going on. He will help you. He will not only help you. He will help the people who have been spiritually abusing you. Who knows what the Lord will do. But one thing is for certain He will put you in a better environment where fruit bearing will continue, and your spiritual growth will continue without the scourge of spiritual abuse being present.
Secondly pray for those leaders. Pray that the Lord help them, and He will reveal to them that what they are doing is wrong. Who knows why leaders fall into the tactics of spiritual abuse, is it because of their own fear present in their lives, they have been compromised by the devil or is it because of a past event where they were hurt.
Whatever it could be, always pray for the people who are spiritually abusing you, because there is grace for them as much as there is grace for us, we are all Gods children who have confessed Jesus as Lord of our lives. God always brings good out of a situation, and He can bring good out in your situation so don’t lose heart.
Join Canton Community Church for a fresh start
If you would like a new start, then come and visit our church family service that takes place every Sunday. Doors open at 10.45am where we will be serving delicious refreshments. If we can be so upfront and talk about matters such as spiritual abuse, then we are confident you will be in a safe environment with us.